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On May 7, 2002 I was working as a 911 operator
at the police department.
My younger sister, then 19, was pregnant and anxiously
expecting a baby boy
any day. She had been scheduled to induce later that
week, but I was hoping
for him to come on his own before the induction.
I ended my shift that afternoon, with the next 2 days
as my scheduled days off. I hoped that Baby DeAnthony
would come any moment so I wouldn't be stuck at work
when it happened. I wanted to
be there for my sister. Just moments after I arrived
home, my sister called excitedly with news that her
water had broken. I was so happy! I was going to be
an aunt! I headed straight to the hospital.
She was delivering at Seton, just as I had 3 years earlier.
She and my mother arrived shortly after I did and we
hugged and smiled uncontrollably as we waited for her
doctor to check how far she'd
dialated.
Before getting pregnant, my sister lived a fast life.
She was unsure of her direction, and honestly did not
have the strong support of her family. We criticized
her actions often and had the "What did she do
now" attitude toward her. Once she found out she
was pregnant though, her life took a major turn. She
saw meaning and motivation and devoted her every days
to taking care of herself and little Baby De' growing
inside of her. I was so proud of her!
I looked forward to quitting my job with the department
to take care of her and be a better support than I'd
ever been. I looked forward to spending hours rocking
my baby nephew and showing my then 3 year old daughter
how to be a good cousin. We had so many plans and dreams.
We had no idea that when the doctor tried to find a
heartbeat, there would not be one anymore.
We had no idea that a sonogram would confirm
our fears and display an empty circle where the heart
once flickered.
Our sweet Baby De' was dead.
Just hours before his delivery, he just stopped living...
My little sister had to give birth to a dead baby.
It was the hardest thing I have ever had to witness.
When he arrived at 1:21 am on May 8th
he did not move. He did not cry. His little eyes were
closed. He was not alive but he was so perfect! My brave
sister held him close and would not let him go. She
just kept crying, "Open your eyes.. please... why
won't you open your eyes??" I stayed with my sister
and Baby De' that night. I was so tired from it all
that I fell asleep on the couch in the delivery room.
My sister stayed awake holding her son... admiring his
quiet beauty.
On May 11th we said goodbye to Baby De' as he lay in
his tiny casket surrounded by the toys and blankets
we had once hoped he would enjoy alive. Now
all we had were visions of him in heaven. Our little
angel. Through all of the horror and pain and
sadness that we had endured throughout just those 4
days, happiness was not in our vocabulary. I had to
go back to work on Mother's Day empty and face the world
who'd heard me talk about the hopes and dreams for my
nephew. My sister had to experience Mother's Day empty
handed... no baby... just an empty belly which once
held her little prince.
The days and months that followed Baby De's death were
filled with rising and falling emotion of every kind.
We just couldn't understand why... why Baby De? Well,
we slowly began to understand his presence. His
short time on this earth had great meaning. Over time
me, my sister, my mother, and my father all grew closer.
All past ill feelings of mistreatment
and wrongs were erased. We all smiled a little longer,
hugged a little stronger, and said "I love you"
as much as possible.
Every day I take special care
to make sure I am not leaving my loved ones without
knowledge of my love and appreciation for them.
We expected, without fail, for Baby De' to be born
healthy and breathing... never once did we imagine it
any other way. We took each other for granted often
before Baby De' but his short life and death taught
us otherwise. As his one year birthday approaches, we
are sad. Sad that he is not here and
has not been. Sad that we never and will never hear
him cry or see him smile. But, with a year's
worth of healing behind us now, we are more happy and
grateful than sad because we now know that without Baby
De' we would not be where we are today loving and appreciating
every moment and each other.
Thank you Baby De'. We love
and miss you very much...
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